Bay Area Rapid Transit Police are searching for a couple who believed to have engaged in sexual acts while on a moving BART train. While this is not considered to be a major crime, a new law on the books may make the couple, if found, to be the first to face harsher penalties for public lewdness. The video was apparently shot by a third party by cell phone then uploaded to the Internet. Police are doing everything in power to find these feckless frolickers. Detective Irving C. Butts commented, “I have watched this video countless times, both at full speed and in slow motion, and have zoomed in on any identifying features. I have instructed my officers to do the same. We will know these people on sight and they won’t get away this.”
While the Not Really News Blog expects the couple to face some very stiff consequences, it is also hoped that some compassion can be found. No one knows the circumstances that led to this ride while riding. Maybe one of them just returned from war, maybe they were drunk (we really don’t want to start holding people accountable for that do we?), maybe they were lonely. While we may never know the circumstances, we should do our civic duty and become familiar with the footage in case we meet them on the streets somewhere. The footage can be found here. Please do not attempt to apprehend these criminals yourself, they may be armed and/or sticky. Should you make an attempt to circumvent the law and take matters into your own hands you may find yourself on trial, with your own heritage questioned, while pictures of the victims attending church as babies are splashed across the media everywhere. You cannot win. Please act responsibly while pursuing public sex fiends.