Breaking News: Major League Baseball to suspend ARod, Braun, and up to 20 others

updated

The not really news blog

Update 7/16/13:

The players union has publicly stated that suspensions for any players caught up in the Biogenesis mess will not be executed swiftly. There will also be discussion pertaining to whether players will be named publicly as suspended (since no one will notice Braun or Arod missing anyway). If suspensions go to arbitration it will likely be next season before anyone serves time, further clouding any contract negotiations these cheaters have. When asked for comment Lance Armstrong stated, “I think this can drag out until well after these guys retire.” Stay strong readers it’s only just beginning.

ESPN claims sources have revealed that Commissioner Bud Selig will act on testimony coerced from Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch to suspend players linked to a clinic that was being sued by MLB for “not playing nice™.” Said suit was immediately dropped when Bosch agreed to become MLB’s one and only witness…

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