The royal birth canal has finally been outwardly breached and Duchess Kate has given birth to an 8 pound 6 ounce prince of an empire that pales in comparison to the old “sun never sets on the British Empire” days. Earlier in the days bookies had had odds on the name being Alexandra, should the tyke be female. The Windsor family now has hopes that the boy is more of an Alexander as in “the Great” and can bring in some new real estate in the ever shrinking, always expansionist thinking kingdom.
The royal baby shows how far an umbilical cord stretches in many ways, as the United States, barely two and a half weeks from its own 237th year of freedom from British rule, has been on the edge of its collective seat waiting for word from the mother land that all would be well with the royal line. Not that they do much anyway do they? The royal wave? Maybe the new heir can learn to wave early, as a tiny baby, hence the royal micro-wave. More as this story develops.
The baby was delivered by a team that included the Queen’s former gynecologist, and her current gynecologist. Yes, you heard that right, someone still has to take a peek every so often at the Queen’s 87 year old bits just to make sure they are still there. That just might be one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. Just one ill-timed cringe or gag and it’s “off with his head.” My deepest sympathy to this man. You are a hero. The baby is healthy and mother and newborn human that will have any clue what real life is like and probably will believe that anything Lewis Carroll was a documentary. Now life in a palace can be tough, they are drafty I hear, it would be easy to get lost in a 12 million square foot guesthouse, and who knows how long room service takes to get there. This reporter is betting it was much faster in the good old (or is it olde?) days when servants could be flogged.
We here at The Not Really News Blog which the new little imperialist the best life can offer. He deserves it. That poor kid has already been media stalked more than any American since Edward Snowden. A truly private life is something we common dirt scratchers take for granted. Stay strong readers, we’ll never have half the worries this poor child already has.