Two weeks ago a speeding truck lost control while driving around a corner and overturned, dumping thousands of chickens, bound for a Foster Farms processing plant in Southwest Washington, onto a car dealership. A large number of the chickens died at the scene, tumbling across new cars, and PETA, ever known for reasonable requests, now wants a 250 pound statue of a bloody chicken erected on the site. With little or no consideration of the wishes of the innocent car lot, PETA sent a letter to the city of Salem containing their request. The statue “would serve as a reminder to truck drivers to take extra precautions with live animals on board. PETA also said it would be a reminder to people in Salem that chickens are ‘among the most abused animals on the planet.'” As humanitarian as it is to be concerned for chickens dying in an accident, shouldn’t PETA concentrate on the fact these chickens were dead birds clucking anyway? While their lives were cut short by several hours, is it necessary to erect a statue? Why not a feathered cross? Or a plaque?
This reporter gave much thought about PETA’s request and reached the conclusion that action must be taken to ensure this never happens again. Those chickens were food. What if some of them where destined to sold as pre-marinated packages of deliciousness? Did the recklessness of this driver deny the world some of those amazing lemon-herb breasts? What happened here WAS a crime and punishment must be exacted. Although it was a crime against humanity that those chickens would never have the chance to see my crockpot, we must not act in haste. Which is why the driver should be crucified in a chicken suit. At the site. That should drive up visits to the dealership who has been struck with this travesty. Plus, crucifying is slow thereby avoiding being hasty. In my mind’s eye, I can see the sad looks on those poor chicken’s little beaks (if they had any) as they learned they would never become the nuggets they had always dreamed of. They will now probably just be ground into pet food to keep some miserable cat around since it’s too lazy to hunt for itself.
No PETA, you’ve gone astray here. The chickens aren’t the victims here. The meat eaters amongst us are so please stay out of this and stick to your purpose of encouraging movie stars to pose naked, we all appreciate that, unless it’s Roseanne Barr, then we hate you. Stay strong readers, this reporter’s punishment of the truck driver would save you being forced to stare at this statue while drving through Salem (photo courtesy of KPTV.com):
Donations in memory of the chickens can be made to Beaks Across Barriers at a 7-11 near you.