In what is sure to be a shock to everyone who reads it, TNRNB has agreed to sell the entire to blog to the New York Times, as a front-page blog no less, for a record-breaking sum. Calling the acquisition the “most unbiased, hard-hitting, and accurate reporting since the invention of the dart board,” NYT proudly linked to their new property in bold, 14-point font. The Not Really News Blog has crushed the competition lately with stories ranging from the wiretapping of Al-Qaeda to yesterday’s slamming of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un over ski lifts. With the rapid decline of print news, it is no surprise that NYT went out and made this acquisition, “it gave us another reader,” according to an unnamed source deep within NYT headquarters. While the sales price hasn’t been officially announced, it is understood to be a record, reportedly rounding out at one (1) cheese bagel and a 16 oz. triple caramel mocha breve. In the history of journalism, selling a media site for a snack is unheralded and it is rumored that investors can’t wait until the final TNRNB board meeting to discuss things with Mr. Kallio.
A spokesman for The Blog would only say “I was hungry” when reached for comment as he was busy cleaning out his desk at the local coffee shop that provided the free WiFi that made everything possible. Preliminary reports state that Mr. Kallio will not be retained as his “abuse of the comma, mangling of the dangling participle, and overuse of the metaphor made NYT feel that he would be better off chasing his dreams of circumnavigating his refrigerator.” The NYT gains control of The Blog, its fleet of covert carrier pigeons (including the spy satellite pigeon that debuted yesterday), and an encrypted Excel file containing the code names of all janitors within “The Network” (sorry Jim). At this time we ask for privacy as Mr. Kallio mourns still not having a job and the loss of his favorite pigeon, Mildred, who flew several successful missions and earned three Pulitzer prizes for her work on breaking down barriers between reporters and pigeon coops. Any donations should made to the “Holy Allah in a Bucket Fund” so that Mr. Kallio can continue to do great works.
That is all for now fearless reader(s), maybe later we’ll find out why your tireless newshound insists in using these WordPress writing prompts to fill space, it’s such a waste of electrons. Stay strong, I’ve heard Bradley Manning wishes to live life as a woman and that screws up his growing a beard plan.