Ask Dr. Steve- advice you’ll wish you’d never gotten 8/23/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I’m a sophomore in college and really need to settle on a major. My parents have said they are only paying for four years so I need to make it count. I think I should just get a general education degree and use it as a platform to jump into whatever I want to do once I graduate. I hear they are very universal. What do you think?

Signed,

Cindy at Harvard

Dear Cindy,

Unless you are having plenty of unprotected sex with those Harvard boys, I’d strongly consider getting a real degree, like psychology or theoretical programming or become a stripper. There is no money in general in anything, especially general education and General Motors.

Dear Dr. Steve,

Who’s going to win the Superbowl this year? I really like the Dolphins.

Signed,

A real football fan

Dr. Mr. Opinionated,

The Dolphins couldn’t beat themselves let alone someone else. I’m thinking the Seahawks have their best chance in history this year, unless they’re all suspended. The safe bet is San Francisco if that thug QB with the alphabet last name stays healthy. Cowboys go 8-8 and Eagles win NFC East if Vick can throw the ball to the right team.

Dear Dr. Steve,

I’ve been hearing voices lately. At first it wasn’t bad, but lately they are telling me to do things I don’t want to do. I’m afraid to tell anyone about this since several members of my family have suffered from mental illness and only one of them ever really got into any trouble and it was hardly the massacre that the media made it out to be. It was only 33 people. I know you are always right. Just tell me what need to do in order to live a normal life. I want to marry my girlfriend someday.

Sincerely,

Crowded in my head

Dear head,

First of all, how do you know you’re not just one of the voices? Maybe you aren’t the one who should be writing the letter at all. At first I was inclined to think you might be all right but once you mentioned marriage I knew you were nuts. Get help, a combination of medication and treatment will help a lot. Maybe after proper counseling, you’ll come to your senses about getting married.

Dear Dr. Steve,

I lost track of a spider in my house,

Help,

Can’t sleep

Dear can’t,

Burn it down.

That’s it for now fearless reader(s). The blog now has a dedicated email address for those of you who need a bit of advice. Send your rants, raves, questions, comments, love letters, or what have you to thenotreallynewsmail@hughes.net. It will save me a brain cell or two if I don’t have to write them all myself…

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6 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Steve- advice you’ll wish you’d never gotten 8/23/13

  1. About the Superbowl…

    I don’t know about statistics and all the other things that people use to determine who is going to the Superbowl, but I want Green Bay to go. If not Green Bay, then the Chicago Bears. Yes, yes, I know, but it’s about time for them to go.

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