North Korea has reportedly executed Kim Jong-Un’s ex-girlfriend, by firing squad no less. No one ever said dating the creepy dictator of a third (going on fourth) world country was easy, but the staff here at The Blog finds this to border on the extreme. After some reflecting, we felt that it may be necessary to cover a few dating tips to avoid things like this happening to any of our faithful (or even unfaithful, cheating, sneaking around on us) readers. It’s a rough world out there and no one knows that better than those of us considered leaders of the media. We see and hear things that would send the toughest Boy Scout to a corner, cringing and drooling. We believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of… of… of something (and when we figure out what we’ll let you know). So without further delay, here is our list of dating tips everyone should have in the back of their minds when looking for that perfect someone.
- Never trust a picture. Some people are unscrupulous and submit pictures to dating sites that aren’t really even them. Others are highly skilled at photo editing software and can make themselves appear far more attractive than they really are. These people obviously are either flubbery louses that you wouldn’t want to date anyway or have some mental problem that doesn’t allow them to be stable. For your protection we have provided an example of an amazing job of photo editing so that you are aware of how easy it is to be fooled.
- If they have the body of a Titan why are they single? We are visual animals and shallow evil creatures. We can forgive a lot of personality issues to sport that trophy mate. If they are smoking hot and still single please be aware they are most likely a bad deal. And please don’t buy that old adage about beauty being intimidating. Your humble reporter can’t even get the newspaper in his bathrobe without being chased back into his house by the original owner of the newspaper. It’s embarrassing.
If they try to pick you up in a cargo van… Some people don’t like to judge others by the vehicle they drive. Maybe that scruffy guy in the 1982 Ford LTD is really a money savvy dude who likes to scrimp, but a date in a cargo van might be going a bit far. If you have to ask yourself “did I just hear chains rattling?” then don’t go.
If your date is heavily drooling… and they haven’t been to the dentist that month, don’t go.
If your date IS a dentist who’s heavily drooling… don’t go
If your date is carrying dental tools… don’t go
If your date has a bottle of Nitrous Oxide… consider it
That’s all for now fearless reader(s). Your single life can be dangerous but then, so can your date’s spouse… (I read that in a book)