Ask Dr. Steve- because it’s cheaper 9/6/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I recently answered an online ad for a photographer that needed a model. I’d never done nude modeling before and it was quite a shock. After he unchained me, removed all those clamps and the hood, he said he would let me know when the proofs are ready. Today my Dad asks me if I’d sold some pics to porn sites. I’m horrified. I can’t even begin to express the outrage burning through me right now. I guess you can’t trust people anymore. I’m totally creeped out my dad surfs porn. I’m 21 and moving out now, I just can’t be around him. How do you recommend I handle this? I don’t know where to begin.

Signed,

My Dad is a perv 

Dear Perv,

I don’t know where to begin. You don’t really seem upset that the photographer betrayed your naïve trust, yet you’re mad at your father for finding your indiscretions. The burning question in my mind is “HOW DID HE RECOGNIZE YOU WITH A HOOD ON?”

Dear Dr. Steve,

I recently read an article about writing naked to leave your comfort zone and challenge yourself. The library had me arrested. I’m so embarrassed. The news people are all over this and I think my dreams of being an author just got washed down the drain. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Naked in Non-Fiction

Dear Non,

Were you the guy in the cell next to me?

Dear Dr. Steve,

You are clearly an inspiration to all people who find an excuse not to get a real job. It’s people like you who serve no purpose in life. Get off the couch and a make a living. It’s obvious why your wife hates you. Everything you do makes me sick. Get a life.

Signed,

The guy who takes care of things

Dear of,

Thanks for being a reader. You are also our 10,000th letter writer. In honor I’m sending you an 8 X 10 of me in an electric blue mini skirt and a tube top. I’ll even autograph it. And you thought I made you sick before…

Dear Dr. Steve,

I hope you’re wearing clean underwear. You never know when you might be in an accident.

Signed,

Concerned

Dear Mom,

They were clean when I put them on last week.

That’s all for now faithful reader(s), send all questions, comments, hate mail, or credit card numbers to our fancy new blog dedicated email address: thenotreallynewsmail@hughes.net (and yes, it’s a real email address).

Our T-Shirts are still on sale over on the shop for killer stuff tab but they won’t be for much longer so show your TNRNB love and get them while they’re cheap!!!!

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5 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Steve- because it’s cheaper 9/6/13

  1. Dear Dr. Steve:
    Please let your readers know that we have the capability of identifying people by their buttocks prints should they decide to write while sitting naked at a public facility. That is actually how we caught the Uni-bomber.

    — Your local police department

    • Dear my local police department,
      My readers would never do such a thing without wiping down the seats afterwards, they care about public property. that’s right both of them do.

      -Dr. Steve

  2. Dear Dr. Steve, I need a second opinion. My Doctor says I am showing signs of “Zombie-ism”. Personally I feel he has been listening to my wife too much (geez! I’ll take out the trash after the game!) and she is trying to get me to drink: “Zombeez-A-Cal” sounds ify to me, what do you think?

    • No doctor should ever have communication, written, verbal, or telepathic with a man’s wife. This leads to far time spent not watching sports. As Sunday is the great holy day known as “the rest of the NFL plays today” it is imperative that you avoid anything that leads to matrimonial obedience on your part. Stay strong and switch doctors immediately

  3. Dr Steve, please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

    Dr Steve, please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

    Dr Steve, please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

    Dr Steve, please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

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