Ask Dr. Steve- answers you never expected 9/13/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

The job market is terrible, I’m starving, my kids hate me and my XBOX just died. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Lost in America

Dear Lost,

The passing of your XBOX is something you’ll never recover from if you don’t act now. Without it, there’s no way to fill in the time that you would normally spend working. I’ve heard it is possible to sell children on Craigslist but in this case it may be easier to just trade one for a new XBOX. Unless you need a new game of course, then go for a cash deal.

 

Dear Dr. Steve,

I need a second opinion. My Doctor says I am showing signs of “Zombie-ism”. Personally I feel he has been listening to my wife too much (geez! I’ll take out the trash after the game!) and she is trying to get me to drink: “Zombeez-A-Cal”

Signed,

Afraid to be thirsty

 

Dear thirsty,

No doctor should ever have communication, written, verbal, or telepathic with a man’s wife. This leads to far time spent not watching sports. As Sunday is the great holy day known as “the rest of the NFL plays today” it is imperative that you avoid anything that leads to matrimonial obedience on your part. Stay strong and switch doctors immediately

 

Dr Steve,

please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

Dr Steve,

please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

Dr Steve,

please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

Dr Steve,

please help me with my memory problem. I keep forgetting what I was talking about…

Signed,

Your most prolific commenter

Dear Ervin,

In these cases it is often best to cease communication. Some forms of dementia come with a terrible price. Not talking leads to not forgetting what you are talking about. The confidence gained from not forgetting will make you feel better about yourself. Now I need to figure out how to get my wife to follow this advice during football games.

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