As we are now into the first full day of the shutdown, a summary of services still offered is needed. Many government websites are down, and the rightfully worried citizens of the U.S. are flocking to the Internet and searching for the latest news. Here at TNRNB, we thought we should get a piece of that (meaning provide a helpful service, we don’t worry about traffic here (okay, there isn’t any)). In order to enlighten our reader (we believe his name is Tom from Wisconsin), we did all the scouring needed to be done (and made up everything else). So here you are Tom (if that’s who you really are), services you probably don’t need anyway.
- The post office is still open. USPS is “self-funded”, which means it won’t need much of that several billions of dollars a year it loses- as long as the shutdown doesn’t go more than about three hours. So take heart, you still won’t actually receive your mail on time.
- The military still gets paid. The President was quick to see the writing on the wall (according to… The President) and arranged for legislation to ensure those fighting for a government which doesn’t actually exist would still get paid for taking those risks that still do very much exist regardless of the idiots who are running the show (sorry, got carried away there).
- National parks, monuments, landmarks, and our entire cultural heritage is closed. Park rangers and other staff charged with maintaining and guiding us through those hallmarks of history were told told to kick rocks therefore, there is no light burning in Lady Liberty’s torch (symbolic isn’t it?).
- Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security are still paying. Unless someone involved in this heinous act of legislative loserness needs to pull America’s heartstrings by threatening to pull the plug on Granny’s miserly stipend, all of you really, really old people still get your entitlement checks while the rest of us starve. Oh, and your free insurance is still good too, while I go sign up for government mandated insurance provided at all cost to me….
- All military academy sports are on hold. At least two college football games are threatened if the powers that be don’t get a grip on reality soon. What that means is, on Saturday, you’ll be denied the patriotic, nationalism bleeding, Navy vs. Air Force two hand touch football extravaganza. Also threatened is Army vs. someone who hasn’t actually won a game since the civil war.
- Most importantly, the President and Congress still get paid. Don’t worry 800,000 furloughed federal employees, the people actually responsible for this still get their money.
And, of course, we will all still pay our taxes. We just won’t have representation while we do it. Ironically, I believe that’s what tipped the scales in the American need to revolt before. What was the name of that demonstration again? Oh yeah, the Tea Party. That’s the same name that those members of the House of Representatives use. You know, the ones who won’t negotiate a clean budget and shut us down to begin with. Fearless reader, we have now come full circle.