The Not Really News Blog sold to New York Times for record-breaking price

In what is sure to be a shock to everyone who reads it, TNRNB has agreed to sell the entire to blog to the New York Times, as a front-page blog no less, for a record-breaking sum. Calling the acquisition the “most unbiased, hard-hitting, and accurate reporting since the invention of the dart board,” NYT proudly linked to their new property in bold, 14-point font. The Not Really News Blog has crushed the competition lately with stories ranging from the wiretapping of Al-Qaeda to yesterday’s slamming of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un over ski lifts. With the rapid decline of print news, it is no surprise that NYT went out and made this acquisition, “it gave us another reader,” according to an unnamed source deep within NYT headquarters. While the sales price hasn’t been officially announced, it is understood to be a record, reportedly rounding out at Continue reading

Exclusive footage of the Al-Qaeda communications that sparked the Great Embassy Closings of 2013

As you are probably aware by now, the US government agents that are responsible for spying on people who actually aren’t American citizens (yes, it appears those agents do, in fact, exist) discovered that Al-Qaida was plotting…. something. No one is sure what they were plotting, where it would happen (other than most likely not in the US, hence the heightened tension in the US), or when, not to mention how, why, who, or even if it was more than bored Al-Qaeda types being bored Al-Qaeda types. Your reporter staged his own covert operation to wiretap terror leaders in order to find out what was really said, being skeptical that this was just being staged to make Benghazi look legitimate. The operation was not simple. Al-Qaeda has cutting edge technology that was thought to be “untappable” until this reporter came along. I know what you’re thinking, “where was HE during Watergate and how much would Bezos have been charged for The Washington Post is HE had been there then.” Sorry dedicated reader(s), there is only one of me, and no one really seems interested in employing such a star power-like figure. And by that I mean, no one. At all. Ever. Before we transcribe what was heard, TNRNB would like to show you an exclusive image of the two leaders utilizing the now tappable equipment. Continue reading