What the government shutdown really means to commoners

As we are now into the first full day of the shutdown, a summary of services still offered is needed. Many government websites are down, and the rightfully worried citizens of the U.S. are flocking to the Internet and searching for the latest news. Here at TNRNB, we thought we should get a piece of that (meaning provide a helpful service, we don’t worry about traffic here (okay, there isn’t any)). In order to enlighten our reader (we believe his name is Tom from Wisconsin), we did all the scouring needed to be done (and made up everything else). So here you are Tom (if that’s who you really are), services you probably don’t need anyway. Continue reading

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Reviews are rolling in for “Running Naked With Pheasants”

As TNRNB reader(s) are well aware, this reporter HATES to use The Blog for self-promotion of any kind, but since the sampler of my future work of literary genius was released this morning, the reviews have been pouring in (my head). I felt it was only right to share some these reviews with the people who make this site such a stark raving success and a leader amongst quickly written posts that go largely ignored. Not just anyone can say that folks. I’ve trimmed the list to spare bandwidth as the reviews are numerous and, at times, lengthy. Read on faithful followers and bask in our shared dominance of all things pheasant.  Continue reading

Breaking News: Movie to made about your favorite reporter/editor’s life

In a movie release that is sure to finally bridge the gap between man, pheasant, and news reporting once and for all, “Of Birds and Men” will be released on Thanksgiving 2013. The script has been based on the real life story of Steve Kallio was raised by a flock of benevolent ring-necked pheasants in the wild lands of south-west Washington state. It will chronicle his meteoric rise from statue squatter to media mogul. It is inspiring to all who meet him to learn how he overcame such bizarre childhood circumstances to develop an almost cult-like following in which people seem to flock to him from all corners of the world. The movie will be an unauthorized autobiography Continue reading

NSA caught spying on CIA, FBI- Obama demands J. Edgar Hoover take helm

In yet another potential spying failure, the NSA has been caught peeking in on the actions of the other major United States intelligence agencies. Since the Patriot Act, the NSA has enjoyed nearly unfettered freedom to keep tabs on everyone from potential terrorists to political dissidents and from the United Nations to the Associate Press, and, of course, Verizon Wireless users. This latest scandal has prompted Mr. Obama to immediately hold a press conference, giving himself mere weeks to prepare a speech for it, and nominate J. Edgar Hoover as Supreme Intelligence Overlord, Head of Vacuum Cleaner Sales, and Prince of Keeping People Confused About Your Sexuality. Continue reading

Legal disclosure that I should have made long ago

Dear Readers,

It has occurred to me that, despite my best intentions to bring the most complete, reliable, transparent news blog on this planet (I’ll conquer the rest later), I’ve failed to be as transparent and upfront as I should be. That’s right, I haven’t published a disclosure of pertinent information that explains any conflicts of interest or outside influences that hold sway on what I publish for you guys to ignore. I’m rectifying that right now, I no longer wish to feel like such an Obama. You will now have all the facts, here goes:  Continue reading

Ask Dr. Steve (or don’t I’ll make them up if I have to)- 8/9/13

Dear great and most esteemed Dr. Steve,

I think I might need a head doctor. I often find my mind drifting…. thinking of all the ways I can destroy my computer. Right now it’s a toss up. Slather honey on it and put it on an ant hill or throw it off of the Lewis and Clark Bridge.

Signed,

A lover of owls Continue reading

Reuters: U.S. directs agents to cover up program used to investigate Americans. Obama blames leak on Roosevelt.

In what is sure to be a shock to anyone who has ever has ever wondered if the US government is honest with its citizens, the answer is most likely… no. In yet another homeland spying revelation, it has been revealed that, “a secretive U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration unit is funneling information from intelligence intercepts, wiretaps, informants and a massive database of telephone records to authorities across the nation to help them launch criminal investigations of Americans.” There is no doubt that such a program could protect countless lives through stopping crime before it’s committed, however, where do we, as American citizens, draw the line on this widespread spying? Furthermore, if the article is correct about agents lying to judges and other law enforcement, it undermines any chance of our government being held accountable by anyone. More and more this reporter is becoming grateful that no one ever reads anything he writes, being ignored is safety in these Orwellian times. The DEA created within itself a super-secret club known as SOD, which is clearly a nod to the trend setting, always controversial 80s spin-off band Stormtroopers of Death. Continue reading