Celebrity News: Beyonce purportedly gets a haircut- Chris Brown has a seizure

In a pair of shocking Friday celeb developments, Beyonce got a haircut and Chris Brown reportedly had a seizure. At first glance, it would seem strange that these two could be linked but, this reporter has a source within the house (obviously nameless) who was vacuuming the carpet when Brown had his episode. The source states, “he just yelled ‘she looks manlier then me again!!!’ and then had a seizure.” This is a very strong rumor as the “Brown camp” (sounds like a team from those old Army men games) stated that heavy stress was at the root of Brown’s latest issue. It is also believable that she could look manlier, given her appearance during her recent Super Bowl halftime show, and this is where things get crazy. Before this major revelation unfolds, this reporter would like to ask, has anyone ever seen Alex Rodriguez and Beyonce in the same room? Continue reading

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Breaking News: Major League Baseball to suspend ARod, Braun, and up to 20 others

updated

The not really news blog

Update 7/16/13:

The players union has publicly stated that suspensions for any players caught up in the Biogenesis mess will not be executed swiftly. There will also be discussion pertaining to whether players will be named publicly as suspended (since no one will notice Braun or Arod missing anyway). If suspensions go to arbitration it will likely be next season before anyone serves time, further clouding any contract negotiations these cheaters have. When asked for comment Lance Armstrong stated, “I think this can drag out until well after these guys retire.” Stay strong readers it’s only just beginning.

ESPN claims sources have revealed that Commissioner Bud Selig will act on testimony coerced from Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch to suspend players linked to a clinic that was being sued by MLB for “not playing nice™.” Said suit was immediately dropped when Bosch agreed to become MLB’s one and only witness…

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