In a shocking plea deal that is certain to finally make the common man feel like justice has been served to a professional athlete, Aaron Hernandez pled guilty to all counts today. The counts covered the murder of Odin Lloyd and the drive double killings currently under investigation. In what has been termed as a “coup d’état that would make Egypt proud,” prosecutors got their man, and for once it didn’t cost gazillions of taxpayer money to do it. Under the deal, Hernandez will have three counts of first degree murder, menacing, coercion, racketeering, domestic terrorism, crimes against humanity, making Belichick sad, and impersonating a tight end. The deal brings closure to many family members and fans who figured he would be traded soon anyway. The charges will all be explained in a news conference after practice gets out but this reporter had to break the story and therefore, sacrificed important details for “the scoopage.©” I feel terrible about this but the United Brotherhood of People Who Write Articles Just for Attention has threatened to revoke my media card if I didn’t lower my standards. Continue reading
In what, on the surface, appears to be a “feel good story about a young couple who doesn’t know any better meeting a hero©,” Dave Matthews was picked up by concert goers en route to HIS concert and given a ride to the venue. Matthews was riding his bike to the show when he experienced a flat tire. The fans saw him, stopped, and the rest is viral news story/blip on the radar history. What a wonderful story- not. Folks, this is just another case of a major “celebrity” flaunting their disregard of all things “legal.” Hitchhiking is illegal folks, yet where most of us would have a citation waiting for us at the end of the trip, Mr. Matthews enjoys free publicity. Did he really not pack a spare tube or repair kit? Can he not just whip out his phone and call for his limo like the rest of us? It certainly appears HE doesn’t need to. What a shame. This is what our country has come to, celebrity rule- kind of like martial law only with more rehab.
Further, this story reflects the growing issue of profiling that has swept the country, from faux airline pilot names to the ethnicity of a man accused of the murder of an unarmed teen, this has become a real problem in our society. My wife went out to grab the paper this morning, fresh out of the shower, with a towel on her head- three people dove behind their garbage cans. Now she may not exactly shine before her makeup is on but come on folks, she’s not going to suicide bomb anyone’s mailbox.
Further complicating matters is the subject of profiling. Mr. Matthew’s “rock star look” is pretty clean cut and all-American. He looks more like a late 80s John Cougar-Mellencamp or present day Eddie Vetter than a wild rocker. This makes him much more “pickupable©,” it appears, than, oh say, a real rock star who looks like a rock star like “Weird Al” Yankovich or Morbid Angel. Profiling has led to civil rights movements, legislation, and the re-election of a certain Arizona sheriff. I guess it remains to be seen if this will add to his teenie bopper image or pull him down like a Bieber in a mosh pit (not much of a life span there).
Dave Matthews (via Google Search):
Slipknot (via Google Search):
You tell me who these “rock fans” were going to pick up.
Reader(s), we have to take our country back from the celebs who dictate what laws do or do not apply to them like a Senator with a Twitter account. This is our land and it is our dollars that we waste to go to the events, be they movies or concerts, that make these people celebrities- except for the Kardashians, and Paris Hilton, nobody’s really sure what’s going on there. Stay strong reader(s), and demand that our rock stars look like freaks and follow the law, the way it should be.