Ask Dr. Steve- answers you never expected 9/13/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

The job market is terrible, I’m starving, my kids hate me and my XBOX just died. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Lost in America

Dear Lost,

The passing of your XBOX is something you’ll never recover from if you don’t act now. Continue reading

Nasdaq suspends trading for technical glitch

In an instance that is sure to cause some heads to be scratched, the index that carries the stocks of tech giants such as Apple, Microsoft, Ebay, Yahoo, and more recently Facebook had to shut down over technology problems. This reporter would like to think it is directly connected to this morning’s announcement that the New York Times had purchased The Not Really News Blog, but the two of you that read it are probably not to blame. While exactly what is going on is uncertain, we here at The Blog are relatively sure that the general public is still being efficiently screwed. This reporter knows of no means, legal or otherwise, that would keep the exchanges from royally sticking it to the common man. So don’t Continue reading

Bradley Manning sentenced to prison until he hits puberty (or 35 years but who’s counting?)

In a partial message sent out to all who leak what’s left of United States government’s classified material, Bradley Manning has been sentenced to puberty. Well, he’s locked up until he can at least sprout facial hair convincingly. This reporter is fairly happy to have never earned such a sentence. Prosecutors were hoping to send a full message with a sentence between 60 and 90 years but, after redundant charges were dropped and the whole “aiding foreign jerks who probably already have the information anyway” charge was dropped Manning could walk out of jail in as little as ten years. If he stops Continue reading