Dear Dr. Steve- Advice you’ll love to ignore 8/15/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I think my wife is cheating on me. She called me from a strange number and said she wouldn’t be home. Then, when she came home, she was covered in hickies and walking like she just learned how to ride a horse. If that wasn’t enough, there was a note in her purse that said, “You were great last night, I didn’t know you could do that on playground equipment.” I know our marriage hasn’t been the best but this is too much for me. She denies it all, says I’m imagining things. Pretty hard to ignore all the signs, what should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken and confused

Dear Confused, Continue reading

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Breastfeeding reaches 77% of new moms in the US according to the CDC- FBI arrests 50% of the CDC

In what bodes well for the future of children throughout the country and promises to spark more debate with prudes over boobs in public, the rate of new moms who breastfeed their infants has risen to 77%. Breastfeeding has a multitude of benefits, ranging from strong immune systems to possibly yielding smarter children- with the greatest benefits being those memes of babies with funny looks on their faces talking about boobs- those are great. Breastfeeding has faced many hurdles since the world because a prude-filled hate factory. There was a time when some doctors alluded that formulas might be easier to digest and have nutritional kickbacks (I meant values, I really did). However, the biggest threat to mothers’ ability to breastfeed has been the inconvenience of leaving the home. Much to the chagrin of men everywhere, some members of society frown on a breast being revealed in public, even partially, in order for a mother to feed her child. This saddens your faithful newshound that mothers are not able to do the best thing for their babies. While it is true that most of these complainers are mothers with young, but no longer nursing, children there was a guy who complained once but he was beaten senseless by a pack of construction workers and lost the ability to speak.  Continue reading

Ask Dr. Steve- America’s favorite adviser 7/26/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I have a co-worker who does nothing but talk all day. They don’t ever get any work done and the rest of us have to pick up their slack if we want to go home on time. None of us want to complain because she just might be sleeping with the owner. He is married and can’t afford to anger her and we are worried that we would end up losing our jobs if we say anything. What can we possibly do?

Sincerely,

Sick of this babbling slut

Dear Sick,

You have two choices here, neither of which is very good, but it should help you get rid of the slut. Continue reading