Ask Dr. Steve- America‚Äôs favorite adviser 7/26/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I have a co-worker who does nothing but talk all day. They don’t ever get any work done and the rest of us have to pick up their slack if we want to go home on time. None of us want to complain because she just might be sleeping with the owner. He is married and can’t afford to anger her and we are worried that we would end up losing our jobs if we say anything. What can we possibly do?

Sincerely,

Sick of this babbling slut

Dear Sick,

You have two choices here, neither of which is very good, but it should help you get rid of the slut. Continue reading

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Ask Dr. Steve- an advice column, for people who need advice

7/14/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I am a wannabe satirist. My wife says I’m not funny. What do I do?

Sincerely,

This isn’t really Steve

Dear This,

Wives are the minions of the devil. They wish to lead you into dismal sadness and dead work so that they feel better after you saddled them with children. She has no humor and you should ignore her, quit your job, and write for a living. It’s really easy to do.

Dear Dr. Steve,

My mom said I can’t live in her basement anymore. She wants to be able to have friends over without questions like “Is he wearing a half shirt?” and “What’s that smell?” I don’t have a job, I’m trying to make it big as a satirist.

Thanks,

Steve didn’t write this

Dear Didn’t,

Your mom is jealous of your immense inborn creativity. She threw her life away after the tawdry hook up that resulted in you, and wants to start fresh with no reminders of her past indiscretions. You are too young at 40 to be out on your own. Get your bowl of mac ‘n cheese and go bang those keys. The world needs more humor.

And for the last letter of the day:

Dear Dr. Steve,

How did you become so great?

Signed,

Your number one fan

Dear Your,

I was born this way. After the nudists taught me how to survive in the world of man there was no stopping me. Please see my About page for more information on my unique upbringing. There is no one quite like me. Most people are happy about that.