George Zimmerman Juror B37 to Write Book

Well we knew it would happen sooner or later, although this is much sooner than even this whirlwind decade could have expected. One of the jurors from the George Zimmerman murder trial has signed a book deal. Timing is everything, it appears, and she must have needed to beat out George (who seems to be no stranger to getting beat) by signing before his handcuffs were even unlocked. In a country where the legal system has gone from 12 angry men to 6 bored women, this shouldn’t surprise anyone who already knew this was legal. This reporter never gets picked for jury duty and it’s a shame since he has an amazing eye for guilt and was even voted “Wapner Fan of the Year” seventeen times in a row. However, has it occurred to anyone that a juror is hardly unbiased if a bombshell decision could yield lucrative future book deals? Yet once again, this reporter is left waving his hands in the air, screaming “Pick me! Pick me!,” yet left standing there, forgotten, alone, just like on playgrounds of his childhood just like those losers he remembers from his youth.

What your reporter is trying to get at is, capitalism is already king of Congress and the White House, Supreme Court, traffic court, and night court, can we really afford for it to influence our jurors too? And how can I get picked before this is declared illegal? Is there some way to up your chances? Like when you buy multiple Powerball tickets?

George Zimmerman has been such a focal point for this country that any book just covering what his ethnicity actually is would be an instant best seller. Even if the juror is incapable of penning a coherent sentence, the book is destined for greatness. What went on in that room? How did all those excruciating hours (16 hours, big deal, I spent that much time eating in the last two days) weigh on the need to reach a verdict? Is it possible that any of these of women watched Paula Deen’s show?

The fact of the matter is, the trial was fairly short when one considers the scope of it. A controversial law, an unarmed teen whose face was frozen in time at 12, a president who couldn’t resist chiming in, all factors that should have played out over the course of a year’s worth of testimony. Yet it’s done, and juror B37 is now going to have to get very creative to fill more than a tourist pamphlet with solely her observations of the trial. I firmly expect the product to rate Fabio posing for the cover and, if B37 can’t carry a run on sentence in a bucket then this reporter is available as a ghost writer, just to keep the public informed of course.

Paula Deen- Superheroine?

In television news, Wal-Mart has cut ties with Paula Deen. That someone from the South could be considered too low class for Wal-Mart seemed about as likely as a Republican at a women’s rights demonstration just a week ago. The speed of Ms. Deen’s fall is mind boggling. In related news, Martha Stewart is giving Wal-Mart stock a “buy” status. This reporter always considers Martha to be well informed about these things. Retirement invested.

And now, a comic book is due out in the fall, centering on the disgraced chef. Whether it touches on her recent struggles remains to be seen, it appears to have been in the works long before her racist remarks surfaced. If this reporter gets a chance to contribute, or even make suggestions, he will be sure that the cover has drawn in a super hero cape, balancing a bag of sugar and a pound of butter in one hand, and an insulin syringe in the other. Bluewater Productions, produces female celebrity-driven comic books and has partnered in the past with notable female celebrities such as Ellen DeGeneres and William Shatner (not my joke, but it does explain some of those older Star Trek episodes). Deen will receive no money from sales of the book, instead a portion of the money goes to a charity of her choice (I will write the nature of that charity on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope and await the announcement of what it is).