What shark week is really about- PETA’s covert television assault on soup

When Jaws hit the big screen there was no doubt who the scariest predator on the planet was. Nearly every shark attack ever has been blasted across the media like some kind of Florida “Stand Your Ground” case. Now, in the shark’s darkest hour, PETA secretly tries to sway public opinion about the “George Zimmerman of the sea©”. After subverting those who make programming type decisions at the Discovery Channel, PETA quickly began pointing how many more sharks die at the hand of man than vice versa. It is your fearless reporter’s opinion that these people obviously believe that “Sharknado” was for entertainment purposes only. Boy were they wrong. There was no entertain or purpose what-so-ever there. Continue reading

PETA wants 5-foot tall chicken statue erected at site of tragic crash

Two weeks ago a speeding truck lost control while driving around a corner and overturned, dumping thousands of chickens, bound for a Foster Farms processing plant in Southwest Washington, onto a car dealership. A large number of the chickens died at the scene, tumbling across new cars, and PETA, ever known for reasonable requests, now wants a 250 pound statue of a bloody chicken erected on the site. With little or no consideration of the wishes of the innocent car lot, PETA sent a letter to the city of Salem containing their request. The statue “would serve as a reminder to truck drivers to take extra precautions with live animals on board. PETA also said it would be a reminder to people in Salem that chickens are ‘among the most abused animals on the planet.'” As humanitarian as it is to be concerned for chickens dying in an accident, shouldn’t PETA concentrate on the fact these chickens were dead birds clucking anyway? While their lives were cut short by several hours, is it necessary to erect a statue? Why not a feathered cross? Or a plaque?

This reporter gave much thought about PETA’s request and reached the conclusion that action must be taken to ensure this never happens again. Those chickens were food. Continue reading