Scientists announce discovery of slipperiest substance known to man

Researchers from the University of Nowhere You’ve Ever Heard Of have announced they have broken the recorded, previously held by hagfish, for the slipperiest substance known. The paper, published in this week’s edition of The Banana Peel- a non-peer reviewed journal usually read by apes and men in the waiting rooms of gynecologists- stated that their discovery will revolutionize several industries and make the discovers very rich. Scientists had been aware of the existence of the slippery stuff prior to the paper but had never been able to get a record of it to stand up to the scrutiny level of the slippery substance community which is known as a level Simga-3.23145767552 or “Holy Shit, that’s close.” Continue reading

Advertisements