The Not Really News Blog: Interview Series- Steve Kallio

TNRNB is proud to announce a series of personal and enlightening interviews featuring many of the characters (living or janitorial) found in the articles of this site. Naturally the first person your faithful newshound chose to interview was- himself. It was a riveting interview. I left no stone unturned. I now feel like I know me a little better. I should have done this years ago, maybe I would have a job, but then, that might have interfered with the media empire I have created here. So without further delay here is me, interviewing, me… Continue reading

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Nordstrom tracked smartphones for shopper habits

In recent shopping news, Nordstrom has admitted to tracking customer’s WiFi signal emanating from their smartphones as they meandered through the store. In a move right out of the Patriot Act, Nordstrom and other stores used the signals to see how customer movements “flowed through the store” in order to “better serve you™.” While no data was taken that could single out any one single shopper, much data in the way different people shop was gathered. The retailer has an interest in whether lighting, layouts, positioning, or any of myriad variables could influence how people spend their time within its walls.

In a rare treat for my faithful reader(s), this reporter was able to gain access to this data through one of his many secret sources (thanks Tom). Now this reporter is no stranger to the land of variables and extrapolation. In college, he did his fair share of extrapolating, and showing it to people. So what I’ve done here is pull out the shoppers who only went into the store for ONE (1) item. Singular. Uno. I them separated them by gender. What is revealed may change the way people view people forever (and then some). It is a stunning difference of how people shop for ONE (1) item. I give you how men shop:

What we see is a quick, efficient, in and out purchase. The entire process only took 35 minutes. The actual purchase part was ten minutes but checking out one’s figure in the bathroom mirror was an additional 25 minutes, give or take the time to actually use the restroom for its intended purpose.

Now we see how women shop for ONE (1) single item:

What we have here is a far different picture (as if the caption didn’t tell you that). Women, on average spend three and a half WEEKS shopping for ONE(1) single item.

In another top secret interview with my source, Tom said that the study showed Nordstrom will have to upgrade in several areas, most of which center around husbands and children of female shoppers (boyfriends are too spineless to say anything so they suffer). Future store renovations will include, a restaurant, sleeping quarters, a small preschool, and a site specific semi-pro football team to quell unrest amongst husbands who figure out that television run on a “loop” display. While none of this may come as a surprise to any man who’s heard the words “let’s run in here for a minute,” it appears to have been news to Big Retail- who’s out of touch with reality anyway. Stay strong reader(s), help is on the way.