Ask Dr. Steve- because no one else listens to you 8/29/13

Dear Most Highly Regarded Dr. Steve,

I’ve lost…. “The Funny”… Nothing is funny to me anymore…. What can I do!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Signed,

An unidentifiable person

Dear Ervin, 

The Not Really News Blog: Interview Series- Steve Kallio

TNRNB is proud to announce a series of personal and enlightening interviews featuring many of the characters (living or janitorial) found in the articles of this site. Naturally the first person your faithful newshound chose to interview was- himself. It was a riveting interview. I left no stone unturned. I now feel like I know me a little better. I should have done this years ago, maybe I would have a job, but then, that might have interfered with the media empire I have created here. So without further delay here is me, interviewing, me…

Ask Dr. Steve- You wanted it, now you got it. 8/2/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I have this rash….

Signed,

No one who would be recognized here

Dear Ervin,

Say no more (please). We’ve all been there. Most of these are cosmetic issues with mild itching discomfort, however, should this rash continue for a more than a couple of days then action must be taken. First, try some Neosporin or other topical ointment. If that doesn’t work then I have the answer but you won’t like it very much. You must soak the affected part in gasoline for twenty minutes. Then light it on fire, once the flames subside, no trace of the rash will be found. Good luck, let’s hope it’s in an accessible spot (they never are). 

Ask Dr. Steve- an advice column, for people who need advice

7/14/13

Dear Dr. Steve,

I am a wannabe satirist. My wife says I’m not funny. What do I do?

Sincerely,

This isn’t really Steve

Dear This,

Wives are the minions of the devil. They wish to lead you into dismal sadness and dead work so that they feel better after you saddled them with children. She has no humor and you should ignore her, quit your job, and write for a living. It’s really easy to do.

Dear Dr. Steve,

My mom said I can’t live in her basement anymore. She wants to be able to have friends over without questions like “Is he wearing a half shirt?” and “What’s that smell?” I don’t have a job, I’m trying to make it big as a satirist.

Thanks,

Steve didn’t write this

Dear Didn’t,

Your mom is jealous of your immense inborn creativity. She threw her life away after the tawdry hook up that resulted in you, and wants to start fresh with no reminders of her past indiscretions. You are too young at 40 to be out on your own. Get your bowl of mac ‘n cheese and go bang those keys. The world needs more humor.

And for the last letter of the day:

Dear Dr. Steve,

How did you become so great?

Signed,

Your number one fan

Dear Your,

I was born this way. After the nudists taught me how to survive in the world of man there was no stopping me. Please see my About page for more information on my unique upbringing. There is no one quite like me. Most people are happy about that.