ATNRNB Interview Exclusive- Chris the Carrier Pigeon

Sorry for my gap in reporting, faithful reader(s), but these days it’s tough to find anything in the news that isn’t Syria, a mass shooting, or similar topic not fit for a humorous spin. However, three days without a post is record here and the staff was getting restless. As I glanced around the news/living room, I realized that it was time to pay some attention to one of our unsung heroes. An employee who truly flies in the face of danger. A master of working behind enemy lines, getting in, and back out with minimal disturbance- minus that one load of birdshot. Continue reading

Six-clawed mutant lobster caught in Maine- the real story

Lobstermen in Maine are in awe of the now-viral lobster caught last week off the coast of Massachusetts. The oddity is reported to have one monster claw on one side of its body and a joint that sprouted five small appendages on the other. There is no word on its ability to thumb wrestle. The lobster was spared from the boiling kettle of doom and donated to the Maine State Aquarium where it will go on display with other freaks of nature such a bi-colored lobster and a Democrat that prefers to work. Continue reading

Scientists announce discovery of slipperiest substance known to man

Researchers from the University of Nowhere You’ve Ever Heard Of have announced they have broken the recorded, previously held by hagfish, for the slipperiest substance known. The paper, published in this week’s edition of The Banana Peel- a non-peer reviewed journal usually read by apes and men in the waiting rooms of gynecologists- stated that their discovery will revolutionize several industries and make the discovers very rich. Scientists had been aware of the existence of the slippery stuff prior to the paper but had never been able to get a record of it to stand up to the scrutiny level of the slippery substance community which is known as a level Simga-3.23145767552 or “Holy Shit, that’s close.” Continue reading