Well faithful reader(s), summer is winding down and the dog days of August bring us those warm nights that have “let there be festivals” written all over them. Blue festivals, car shows, wine festivals, and, most importantly, the Society for Creative Anachronism festivals are all making their rounds and providing us with an opportunity for being drunk in a multitude of ways. The staff here at The Blog (okay, me) decided we would cover a few dos and don’ts to blend in with such diverse crowds. Continue reading
The competition amongst fast food chains is always a dog fight but a startling new trend has surfaced in logo redesigns lately- gang signs. In Wendy’s first new logo in almost thirty years, the word “MOM” appears to be spelled out in the ruffles of her neckline. Now this could be: A) a total accident, B) a hidden homage to the founder’s daughter C) a cryptic message to Wendy’s gangland enforcers “Westside Wendy’s.” It doesn’t sound scary, at first, when one pictures a herd of red haired, frosty packing little girls roaming the inner city streets looking to product a brand. But the deeper reality is people kill over these things, authorities are now re-examining Aaron Hernandez’s tattoos for the word “MOM.” But this reporter broke the real code. When you turn the image upside down, it says “WOW,” and THAT’S where things get ugly. “WOW” is an acronym for “War on World,” according to gang expert MC Donald. “WOW is literally a signal to start bustin’ caps, yo. Homies be like, we gunna kick ass and make burgers- and we be all outta buns, yo.” Startling discoveries in the land of the square patty. Continue reading
Proving sequestering, like a federal filibuster, isn’t what it used to be ,the jurors in the George Zimmerman murder trial were allowed to go bowling and shop at the mall. They were also allowed to go to the Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Museum where they were undoubtedly an exhibit. In a trial that made waves in just about every way possible, from racial tension to racial confusion to the fact that it ever existed at all, the idea that a jury for a reasonably short trial (for its kind) could cost over $30,000 might be the penultimate head scratcher.
This reporter may not be a judicial expert but it seems that sequestering means to “lock away,” not “send out to remake “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” A trial of overwhelming media saturation would seem to call for a tightly guarded jury in any state but Florida. This would appear to open the door for a multitude of appeals and potentially threaten Juror B37’s book deal. Now how is that fair to “judiciary capitalism®.” It is mind-boggling, and more than a little comforting, that a juror’s own actions could screw her out of millions for all six pages of her story. But the world will never know what was truly discussed in that jury room- not unless the world wants to stitch the hundreds of interviews, news reports, blog posts, and satirical snobbery that will flow over the next two weeks.
However, thanks to several high profile cases lately, Florida is in the running for most true crime novels, biographies, and (my favorite) unauthorized biographies. In fact, borrowing a punch line for the comic strip “Get Fuzzy,” Florida may soon break the record for the most unauthorized auto-biographies. This reporter isn’t complaining folks, after all this is what keeps him busy, makes him the big bucks, brings in the bacon, lets him forget he isn’t getting paid a dime for this. I can already see that huge ad for Nike or Microsoft, maybe even Wal-Mart, but more than likely- Uncle Bill’s Fried Wiener Bits: The wiener with a crunch. Don’t mock it, everything started somewhere. We’ll get there. TNRNB and Uncle Bill’s may end up being the greatest partnership since Watson and Crick or Gates and Paul Allen or Phil Knight and China. Great things come to those who are in the right place at the right time not those who really put effort into anything, which is why I do almost no fact checking so I can fit in. Stay strong faithful reader(s), maybe you,’ll get an all-expense paid jury duty vacation sometime soon.
In television news, Wal-Mart has cut ties with Paula Deen. That someone from the South could be considered too low class for Wal-Mart seemed about as likely as a Republican at a women’s rights demonstration just a week ago. The speed of Ms. Deen’s fall is mind boggling. In related news, Martha Stewart is giving Wal-Mart stock a “buy” status. This reporter always considers Martha to be well informed about these things. Retirement invested.
And now, a comic book is due out in the fall, centering on the disgraced chef. Whether it touches on her recent struggles remains to be seen, it appears to have been in the works long before her racist remarks surfaced. If this reporter gets a chance to contribute, or even make suggestions, he will be sure that the cover has drawn in a super hero cape, balancing a bag of sugar and a pound of butter in one hand, and an insulin syringe in the other. Bluewater Productions, produces female celebrity-driven comic books and has partnered in the past with notable female celebrities such as Ellen DeGeneres and William Shatner (not my joke, but it does explain some of those older Star Trek episodes). Deen will receive no money from sales of the book, instead a portion of the money goes to a charity of her choice (I will write the nature of that charity on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope and await the announcement of what it is).