Scientists implant false memories into mice- explain why high school reunions are so awkward

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have been able to implant false memories into mice using fiber optic cables. While the existence of false memories is nothing new, having been demonstrated for nearly twenty years, but this would be the first experiment to implant those memories directly. Such techniques may one day provide new therapies for the emotionally scarred, such as plane crash survivors, war veterans, or Seattle Mariners fans. The technique would be even better if would work on groups, such as the people present when your reporter had too much tequila one Christmas Eve. They NEED to forget that (so I can).Now the conspiracy theorists will rant that the government would use this science to control us, and we would never be able to remember them doing it. Well, it does have an Orwellian ring to it, but do we really want to remember Obama that much anyway? Maybe ignorance really is bliss (I offer a class on that by the way, just five payments of $49.99 and you’ll be more ignorant than you ever dreamed of). This technology could take advertising to a new level as well. What if we made you forget the competitor entirely instead of just trying to prove we are better (there is no Wall Street Journal- you need to get all your news right here at TNRNB)?

Now this science sheds light on why high school reunions are so awkward, hence everyone wants to avoid them. Maybe you remember being voted “most likely to be voted world’s hottest guy by Time magazine for a ten years running” (I was and since no one actually reads this blog I can say that without fear of been contradicted), but deep down you harbor doubts that such a vote really happened. Do you chance making an appearance in front of people who may remember differently? It would be devastating to be pushing forty years old and find out you were actually voted “most likely to hide behind clown make up and commit mass murder.” Now your reporter was always the most popular guy in his class and the girls threw themselves at his feet, but maybe others weren’t so lucky and had to reinvent their past. And maybe, after a decade or so, they start to believe it. It would certainly explain the people that dress up like their children as discussed here. We can always hope that this breakthrough makes it possible to look our classmates in the eye after twenty years and say “yeah, that’s how I remember it too” and mean it.

Stay strong reader(s), science is one again making sure we don’t have to worry. And explaining why everyone has avoided me since I started writing news articles. I guess they just think I may remember something they don’t. Why don’t some of you (if there are any) share some of your high school memories you’d like to forget?

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