The Not Really News Blog sold to New York Times for record-breaking price

In what is sure to be a shock to everyone who reads it, TNRNB has agreed to sell the entire to blog to the New York Times, as a front-page blog no less, for a record-breaking sum. Calling the acquisition the “most unbiased, hard-hitting, and accurate reporting since the invention of the dart board,” NYT proudly linked to their new property in bold, 14-point font. The Not Really News Blog has crushed the competition lately with stories ranging from the wiretapping of Al-Qaeda to yesterday’s slamming of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un over ski lifts. With the rapid decline of print news, it is no surprise that NYT went out and made this acquisition, “it gave us another reader,” according to an unnamed source deep within NYT headquarters. While the sales price hasn’t been officially announced, it is understood to be a record, reportedly rounding out at

Bradley Manning sentenced to prison until he hits puberty (or 35 years but who’s counting?)

In a partial message sent out to all who leak what’s left of United States government’s classified material, Bradley Manning has been sentenced to puberty. Well, he’s locked up until he can at least sprout facial hair convincingly. This reporter is fairly happy to have never earned such a sentence. Prosecutors were hoping to send a full message with a sentence between 60 and 90 years but, after redundant charges were dropped and the whole “aiding foreign jerks who probably already have the information anyway” charge was dropped Manning could walk out of jail in as little as ten years. If he stops